This morning, around 4:30 am, I could feel God tugging on my heart to wake up. Wednesday was a long day for me, so naturally my flesh resisted this early wake up call. But I could hear holy spirit saying, "come, spend time with me." So I sat up, tired and all, and listened.
As a Christian, that's one of the first things that should be added to our "Things to Do" list- listening. I'm not talking about that passive listening where we are present physically, but our minds are wondering about elsewhere. Nor do I mean the aggressive listening we often use when our emotions get frazzled. Aggressive listening is when we listen while simultaneously thinking of come-backs in our minds, and even interrupt before the other person has had a chance to completely finish their thought process.
How often do we do this to God? We come crying to him in the humblest and most genuine way we've been taught. But most of our "prayers" aren't really prayers, but a quick "God-can-you-please-do-this-for-me" list that we often times feel like we're justified in asking for because we've been so "faithful." Of course, we are God's children and he wants us to come to him and believe in him to fulfill all of our needs. However, if our entire prayer life revolves around what God can do for us, it may be time for a self-evaluation. It's hard for us to wrap our minds around this concept at times, but life really has little to do with us and all to do with God. It's not "what can God do for us" but rather "what can we do for God?" Once we put ourselves on the back burner and stop talking, we will see that God's been speaking to us the whole time. We were just too busy talking to hear him.
I recently learned this about myself. I spend time with God in prayer, in his word and even in church activities. There'd be times when I'd encounter God in such an incredibly deep way, and it was amazing! Then the day would be over, and so was that great feeling. But I wanted that feeling to be accessible to me at any and all times of the day! So I thought by doing more things that pleased God, I'd get that feeling back, and I'd experience it more often.
But this morning God reminded me that it's because of him that I'm able to do anything, not my own effort. In Courtney I am nothing but in Christ I can do all things. Somewhere between trying to better myself and searching for God, I seemed to forget that God isn't looking for perfect people, but perfect hearts; and worship is something we can never truly perfect because we will never be able to serve enough, dance enough, clap our hands or stomp our feet loud enough to omit the debt that we owe to our father. Yet He loved us. He showed us the perfect way to love, and through his son Jesus, we have an opportunity to spend our lives trying to reciprocate that same love back to him. I didn't realize that trying to prove myself through works is just as bad as only praying to God to get something out of him. In both cases, there's one common factor: we're not listening to God! If you look to God just to ask him to bless you, or heal you or do this or do that, you don't leave room for God to speak to you. Maybe he'd share ways you can fix your own problem (through the power he gave us in the holy spirit), if you took the time to listen to the wisdom he has to offer. Likewise, for me, I had to learn that doing God's work doesn't ensure a closer relationship/ encounter with him. Faith does. Sometimes we can become so busy trying to carry out God's work that we seldom leave time for God to speak to us about how to work on the inside. How can you fix that temper you have? God can you help me to not get involved with gossip? Those are things that only God can share with you. It's hard to find those kind of answers in a service project.
So I'm praying to God to help me listen to him more.
